Culture stress found me. Or blame it on the upcoming holidays. Who knows? All I can say is that I'm both the happiest and saddest I have ever been in my life.
I just burst in to tears for no reason, like real tears, like make your throat and chest hurt and your nose run a lot tears. But just hours before I was together with my beloved church family here, laughing, singing (or rather butchering) karaoke versions of "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Rindo à Toa" (this song is so good, talks about how the person knows life isn't always perfect, but he's able to laugh, because he's found where he belongs- strikes a chord in me). I'm not sad! Don't feel sorry for me! But at the same time I miss my family so much I can feel it in my bones. I feel their absence in every moment of joy and celebration I experience without them. And the tears fall again. I want nothing more than to call Mom and Dad, but I know it will make them sad, too, what with me ready to cry at the drop of a hat.
I suppose the honeymoon stage of cultural adjustment is coming to an end and the reality that I'm over 4700 miles away from nearly everything and everyone close to my heart. But then I can smile, because I know I'm only a mile or two away from the majority of the people and things that are close to my heart here. I've made a million memories at the church/seminary, sunburned at the beach and taught English for the first time. I've spent hours conversing and laughing, learned how to cook several of my favorite foods and prayed for the first time Portuguese, all in the houses of friends. I've gotten frustrated at my bad Portuguese grammar, while the Brasilians smile, put a hand on my shoulder, and correct me so I "never say that word again" (I've accidentally said a few ugly things). I've laughed until I cried, studied the Bible, and accompanied friends to doctors' appointments more times than I can count. I've visited new congregations, watched a ton of baptisms, met a million wonderful people, shared the love of Jesus and just generally lived a dream of a life here so far. And it's enough. I know it is.
But reality is reality and she's a hard bargainer. She's given me bliss and business to fill the hole that distance leaves for the last two months, but she finally insisted on hitting me right in the temporal lobe of my brain, right in the emotions. So this holiday season, I'm happy, and sad, but most of all I'm blessed beyond measure to serve God here in the city of Recife.
Merry Christmas to all of you reading this. I love you. Hold your loved ones close (and maybe hold my loved ones close to you, too, for me) this season.
Merry Christmas to all of you reading this. I love you. Hold your loved ones close (and maybe hold my loved ones close to you, too, for me) this season.
American Family
Brasilian Family
God of All Comfort
"3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.[a] 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort." (2 Corinthians 1:3-7)
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